Dream killer or dream maker?

In my first year of journalism school, we had weekly assignments for our reporting class. I needed some advice on one particular assignment, so I took my 19-year-old self over to the teacher’s office. She greeted me with a smile, and answered my questions. Then, suddenly her eyes changed. Instead of smiling at me, they crinkled with concern.

She took a breath and began to speak. “Tina,” she began, “Do you like this course?”

“Oh yes!” I said enthusiastically.

“Because you seem very shy.”

On the surface, it may seem like an innocent observation. I was a shy, awkward teenager—she was right about that. However, I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. You see, in journalism, “shy” was the kiss of death. Since I was 10 years old, I had wanted to be a journalist, and here was my reporting teacher basically telling me that she thought I wouldn't make it in the tough-as-nails world of journalism. Devastated by her words, I politely thanked her for her help, and slinked away in shame. I wondered whether I had any business being in the journalism program, and silently labelled her a dream killer.

Little did my teacher know the impact those words had on my life. You seem very shy. You seem very shy. I couldn’t silence her voice. Her words dizzily swirled around in my head over and over again. I was suddenly in the throes of a major existential crisis. For a long time, her comment stayed with me. I questioned myself, and wondered if I had chosen the right career. I asked friends and family, “Do you think I have what it takes?” I spent a lot of time alone, reflecting on my future. It would be a long three years until I earned my degree. Frankly, I didn't know if I was up to the task.

Amidst many tears, I realized that I had two choices: I could either believe my teacher, or prove that I had what it took. I chose the latter. I decided to turn the “dream killer” into a “dream maker.” I put all my energies into my schoolwork, determined to keep my dream. I realized that while I would never love news reporting, I was a good features and human interest writer. I loved publishing. I could find my niche. I learned that people’s opinions are subjective, that while someone may not like your work, someone else will love it. The key was to believe in myself, keep working at my craft, and I would succeed. School is like those childhood activities that our parents put us into. We are exposed to different concepts, and through trying different activities, we discover what we like, and what our strengths are.

As creative people, we must insulate ourselves against negativity, and not allow other people’s opinions to define us. There will always be dream killers, and it is up to us to turn the tables on the less than supportive comments, and become dream makers. I think about the wonderful career that I have built, and I can't help but smile. I wonder where I would be if I had listened to my teacher's comments. Thankfully, I was able to dig deep and redefine myself.

Ride it out

It's been a rough month for my dear friend the flute and me. You see, every Monday I travel to Burlington to play in a flute ensemble and concert band. It is usually one of my weekly highlights. I get to feed my creative soul, have fun, and give the creative side of my brain a workout. Music engages me like no other activity. When I play music, I am completely focused, able to shut out the world, and all its stresses. Music brings joy, inspiration, and balance to my life. It burns stress and makes me happy.

So why the troubled relationship between me and my flute? Maybe I was feeling the lingering effects from a chaotic December. Maybe I was burnt out from returning from vacation to a lot of work, and still settling in from "the move." Maybe I would rather be lying on the beach with my sweetie, and reading Stephanie Plum novels than dragging my tired self to band.

Whatever the reason, I'd lost my inspiration. Each week this past month, I'd have to force myself out the door, and was blah and uninspired while there. The music was hard, and I wasn't playing very well, either.

What do you do when you lose your inspiration? Like any long-term relationship, creativity isn't always going to feel like the goosebumps on your arms, butterflies in your stomach, courtship phase at the beginning of a relationship. It's like a marriage that takes work, time, and effort.

Whether it is in my writing, music, or workout routine, when I lose inspiration, sometimes I just ride it out. I go through the motions, and show up in body, even if I'm not there in spirit. I know that if I just keep showing up at the page, practice, or gym, eventually, the inspiration will return. My flute and I have treaded through troubled waters in the past, and like any loss of inspiration, it is always temporary.

So, I rode it out for a month, and this past Monday, prayed that my inspiration would return. I showed up for practice, and ... had a blast! My playing was good, and I had fun with my bandmates. I felt inspired again, my flute and I reconciled after a month of tension and negative feelings. My mojo, my groove was back! And it felt great.

So, if you temporarily lose inspiration, just ride it out. Keep showing up, and eventually, it will return. And you will have the goosebumps, and the butterflies in your stomach all over again.

Tina

Announcing my new website!

I am happy to announce the launch of my newly-designed and updated website! Visit www.tinadealwis.com for more information about my writing and editorial services, my background and experience, and to read my portfolio.

Tina

You're always on vacation ... as long as you have a good book

I don't think I've ever looked so forward to a new year. December is a stressful month at the best of times, with all the Christmas preparations and holiday festivities, but throw in a cross-city move from Hamilton to Toronto on top of that, and I was quickly reminded that a move in December plus Christmas equals chaos. So after a long, busy, stressful December, spent sorting through mountains of boxes, Christmas shopping, Christmas concerts, family gatherings, and putting up my Christmas tree at 9:30pm on Christmas Eve (I honestly wouldn't have bothered, but had bought some new, special ornaments that I wanted to hang), I was counting down the days until my vacation.

On December 28, I went to Puerto Plata, Dominican Republic with my boyfriend for New Year's. We spent a week in all-inclusive heaven, lying on the beach or by the pool, swimming, relaxing, and recovering from the move. In the days and weeks leading up to the vacation, I looked forward to spending time with my sweetie and relaxing. I also couldn't wait, however, to catch up on my reading.

I am a notorious book shopper, addicted to the look, feel, and smell of a new book. The experience of going to a book store, perusing the shelves lined with thousands of possibilities, and buying a new book, the anticipation of bringing the new book home, sends shivers down my spine and can give me a high that will last for hours.

For our vacation, I scoured my bookshelves at home. I deserved this vacation, and was determined to find the perfect books to bring with me.

Nothing on my bookshelves seemed appropriate, however. I had already read the fun, easy reading books, and the remaining books didn't quite fit with the vacation vibe I was seeking. Then, one day, the answer appeared on Facebook. "What was your favourite book of 2009?" my cousin's wife, Debbie, posted. Her friends replied with their suggestions, and then one friend asked the million dollar question: "Can you recommend any beach reading?" Bingo! Debbie recommended the Stephanie Plum series by Janet Evanovich. I couldn't wait to go to Chapters and introduce myself to Stephanie Plum.

I bought the first two novels, "One for the Money," and "Two for the Dough" to bring on vacation with me, and couldn't wait to get started. From the first page, I was hooked. Evanovich's hugely popular series, about a lingerie buyer turned bounty hunter, has a huge, loyal following. And it's easy to see why. The books are laugh-out-loud funny, with compelling, entertaining characters, and good mysteries. They are quick, easy reads, and I was able to read both novels within the week that I was away.

Looking at the copyright page for "One for the Money," first published in 1994, I thought 'Where have I been all these years?' In my defence, I never really followed the mystery genre ... until now.

I had a wonderful vacation, and the best New Year's Eve of my life. Coming home to the cold, Canadian winter, wasn't easy. But back at home, I just finished "Three to Get Deadly," and am about to start on "Four to Score," comforted by the thought that as long as I'm reading the Stephanie Plum series, I'm always on vacation in spirit.

"Jump in the water and find your way around"

As we embark on a new year, many of us have been busy setting goals and new year's resolutions, wanting to leave behind the stresses and difficulties of 2009, and achieve our hearts' desires in this new year, and new decade. I am pondering my goals, and what I want to achieve this year, and feeling overwhelmed at the enormity of some of the tasks I have created for myself. As I reflect, I am brought back to a conversation I had last year that changed my life.

I was at my aunt's place for dinner. She cooked Sri Lankan food, which is always a treat for me: yellow rice, beef curry, potatoes - a spicy food lover's heaven. She had houseguests staying with her - a long-time friend from Sri Lanka, and his wife. I was pleasantly surprised to discover that my aunt's friend was a published writer.

Books, short stories, articles, academic papers - this man had done it all. I was inspired and awed by all he had accomplished, and naturally, our conversation turned to writing. I shared with him that I've always wanted to write fiction, and that I was taking a creative writing course at a local community college, which I was loving.

He looked up at me, smiled, and replied: "No-one can teach you creative writing. You have to just jump in the water and find your way around." I gasped quietly, dumbfounded by his profound words. Their lesson was simple, yet I was struck by their wisdom. Time after time, I had made writing more difficult for myself than I needed to. All I needed to do was show up at the page and see what happened.


As we begin a new year, I am reminded of his words, and am newly inspired to not worry about technique, whether something is worthy of being published, or even half-good, I just need to write. Or work out more. Or eat healthier. I can apply his words to all of my goals. And that is my new year's wish for all of you, that whatever dreams you have, that you just "jump in the water and find your way around."

Happy New Year,
Tina